Confessions of a (insert stereotypical adjective here) Feminist

I’ve got a confession to make. I’ve been wondering for a while now what the political value is in calling myself a “feminist”. Don’t get me wrong – I am a feminist. It’s the first thing I want to tell people when I meet them – “Hi, nice to meet you, I’m a feminist”. But as it seems the time when my own definition of feminism could rise above this misogynistic pop culture noise has long since gone.

Since “discovering” myself as a feminist it took about 2.5 seconds to realize that when most people here “feminist” they do not think about the bad-ass movement I do. They think; man-hating slutty lesbo who can’t get a date (contradictions intended). I think no more family dinners where women wash the dishes while the men talk about important stuff, no more bus rides where disgusting pervs wank off and stare at me while the rest of my fellow passengers pretend not to notice, no more Disney movies where the princess has a waist the size of her wrist and habit of needing to be saved.

So I think to myself about being called a feminist. Because, I suppose if you looked at me you wouldn’t know I’m a “feminist” (especially the slutty, lesbo, man hating variety which, by the way, I have yet to meet). Its true. I skulk into the bathroom in the morning with a Lady Gillette and an eye lash curler. And I look in the mirror and I think “bad feminist”. But I wonder “who thinks I’m a bad feminist?” Am I being discounted by those furry, condescending, self-righteous “feminists” for pretending to choose when really I’m just choosing to give in? Or is lunatic right wing fringe (i.e. white, able-bodied, middle class mainstream society) who are so frustrated by my failure to play the role of resentful dyke who is only a “feminist” because it’s the best she can do.

So back to my original point. Why call myself a feminist if I don’t get to choose what that means? Because everyday I meet women and men who are too afraid to say they are (oh fawk!) feminists – that they too notice the world has been historically modeled to completely eff us womyn (us lbgtq, us poor, us old, us disabled, us people of colour) over. Because if I won’t say it, who will? Because I may not know what a good feminist looks like and I may change my mind a million times in the moments before I post this but I’d rather be thought of as some lesbo femanatzi than have them think I’m afraid that’s what they’re thinking.

Uses and Excuses

Preface: Whenever I criticize Shinerama I feel the obvious counterpoint coming on “but its charity!” Ya, its charity. That doesn’t mean you are hence entitled to use any means to your end to raise money for said charity. There is no mathematical equation that says charity + misogyny = totally okay.

So, my first and most appropriate gripe with Shine for a feministing blog comes from the way we play the alcohol soaked game that is “out-shining” the our fellow universities (i.e. raising the cash). My beef is the untouchable “Sucker Run” where we hustle as many exec volunteers off into the bar scene with the task of selling as many suckers and condoms as their hot little hands pass out. Don’t get me wrong – I’m not against selling condoms or suckers, especially to drunk people who might be hoping to get laid. But there is definitely something wrong the mantra that says the exploitations of women’s bodies is justified in the name of “charity”. You might be wondering what I’m talking about. Well, I’m talking about a culture where women are encouraged cut their Shine t-shirts and sex them up so the boys at the bar will hand over as much cash as possible (i.e. women use your body to make us cash – note the gender specific noun “women”.)

Every time we play this game we feed the machine – that patriarchy monster that tells a woman her value is in her body and not for the pleasure she can enjoy from it but from what this misogynistic culture can suck from it. So lets quit it. Let’s get creative; Shinerama and gender equality are not mutually exclusive.

Oh and ps: If charity is about helping people, how about we help the 1 in every 2 people who suffer everyday with misogyny.

Navigating the sanitocracy that is patriarchy.

Chelsea Flook
imported from goodnewseveryday.blogspot.com

A few nights ago i saw ‘young people f__cking” and hey it was funny for sure, but also entirely written by doods, very guy-centric. it should have been called “young guys f__cking” coz thats generally who the stories revolved around.

and it got me thinking about living under patriarchy. yes i know, blahblahblah the big PEEE word

just, to me “young people f__cking” would have been way different. even the “complicated” female characters were squares, cut from stone into a shape of what men think “complicated” women are.

so im wondering what a vacation from patriarchy would be like.
the thought was such a tantalizing experiment.

i suggest you give it a whirl.

anyways, so after all those thoughts im sitting here at work (blogging at work) because im writing about how womens experiences throughout psychiatry’s and psychology’s history have been neutralized, and that 75 percent of those diagnosed with depression are women, but that diagnostic criteria doesnt even ask, ‘how do you feel about living under patriarchy?”

coz that would be different

the screening questions for depression are all very materialistic and based on some kind of screwed up 1950s notions of jobs = happiness and crap

none of the questions take much female experience into account, which is again messed coz most of those diagnosed with depression are women.

which gets me thinking, HOLY FUCK we (women-identifieds) have a right to be absolutely bonkers every day, some days i get this incredible urge to go bat shit crazy at some guy for leeeeering at me

ya ya ya some folks like that, some older ladies tell me to enjoy it while it lasts, and some folks think if a woman looks nice even at all she deserves it and sure i could throw down some serious hijab fashion and say eff it you dogs will never control your peeens

but i am pretty sure that would just make me feel more bonkers, id get asked why i was wearing hijab and id say oh you know i wasnt raised on it at all or anything i just hate when men look at me in general in a certain way so this is the only hope for my sanity

then i get even more upset that i dont get visibly upset at all, i sometimes roll my eyes but i honestly feel like squatting down and crapping on the sidewalk the next time im checked out like that.

Anyways the long and the short is, the tests are designed by men the insane end up being women because the tests cannot test anything on the experiences of women. The politics of experience in our sanitocracy gets played out along the lines of patriarchy. Among many other lines.

Sanitocracy is the rule of the insane by the sane. A favorite author of mine suggests that we as a society have moved from a theocracy through a democracy into a sanitocracy.

Very convincing, if you take stock of the limited personalities women are allowed to have. The disciplinary power involved in limiting womens personalities is worth considering.

confessions of a non-believer

I grew up thinking I was already equal. My parents taught me that I could do all the things that boys could do and that I was a valuable person. Teachers told me that ‘no’ was a powerful word. Mentors showed me that women could be strong, courageous, independent and assertive leaders. But somehow, all of these lessons came undone for me. It took me years to figure out that some people still hate women, that some people actually think I’m less valuable or less worthy of respect than are men. Now I realize how deeply rooted in patriarchy our society is.

I didn’t believe the women who told me the hard work of feminism isn’t over yet. I scoffed when friends and acquaintances brought up patriarchy and sexism. I rolled my eyes at feminist bake-sales and assured myself that misogyny exists only in developing nations where education is inaccessible. I learned the hard way that sexism is a real problem-even in my comfortable, urban, enlightened world. I learned that misogynistic attitudes persist in this culture. I learned that violence against women can be insidious and subtle.

I was sexually victimized. Twice.

I hesitate to call my experiences “rape” because I feel guilty. I feel guilty for labelling men I trusted “rapists” and for allowing myself to feel unsafe. I feel guilty because somehow, this must be my fault. I didn’t say “no” loudly enough. I taught other people how to treat me. I
made this possible. I let it happen. I asked for it.

I’ve never reported my experiences. I told almost no one about my first experience, and the few people I did tell know very little about what actually happened. I told friends about my second experience because I was angry and because I didn’t want to deal with it alone.

The details of these experiences hardly matter; what matters is the effect. My confidence in myself is shaken. I feel ashamed, disgusted, stupid. I am indignant and disoriented. I don’t understand the world I
live in. I don’t understand why my boundaries weren’t respected, why my consent wasn’t necessary. I feel devalued. I feel, for the first time in my life, that I’m not safe–not even with trusted friends–because I’m a woman. But doesn’t every woman deserve to feel safe? Aren’t women already equal?

The attitudes and values that enable misogyny, sexism, violence against women and inequality can be changed. The feminist movement is far from over. I was wrong–women are not yet equals in our society. I was part of the problem: I was a non-believer. Now I believe, and I’m ready to affect change in my social sphere. I haven’t become a hardcore activist overnight, but I have learned the value of awareness. I can share awareness with others and can add my small voice to the chorus of feminism. Thanks to dedicated people in my community, I will never be alone in the fight for equality.

Anonymous Contribution
(for privacy’s sake, duh)

F-ing great.

here i am, late at night on campus since I don’t have internet at home. I’ve been setting up this bloggity blog and inviting authors and that stuff.

And here’s my first entry.

It’s sloppy and nobody should use it as authoritatively anything.

But just before I’m about to head home, I click facebooks Groups to see what’s up in the world of group-joining. The top newly joined group is about a sex offender, Leonard Watts. He’s moved to Vanier. The media found him coming out of a store, (WHICH ONE!>?) so he’s definitely around.

The Ottawa Police have, of course, done as little as possible to warn people about him.

He’s got a long history of assault and rape.

I suppose my first thought is, memorize the picture and stick to populated streets. Walk with confidence. Carry something sharp or be ready to swift kick someone in some testicles. Have my cell phone ready. You know, the usual rules for a walk home at night when you are woman-identified.

My second thought, i cant help but have, is about the fact that this is coming to me at a time when the government of canada is imposing mandatory minimums, but still bilks at reforming punishment related to sex crimes.

Now, I am no stickler for the penal system. It can make tough criminals tougher, that’s for sure.

But, just comparatively speaking, back when female patients at the Toronto Hospital for the Insane (now CAMH) were sterilized against their will in the name of eugenics and in the name of manageability of the patient, few politicians commented on, or bilked at this invasive procedure.

Of course, testicles are totally different.

They are so sacred, that even when a male is a repeat sexual offender, nobody brings up any kind of harsh physical intervention to stop it. Sure, insanity and sexual offenders are not the same category. The insane never got a trial, never saw a judge, and that history is unique in its own ways. But those who have actually been proven guilty, those who were given due process and found to have committed a legislated crime against the state?

What am I saying, exactly? Well, I’m not advocating that we, as a society, let it be as it is. I also dont think that more jail time is going to necessarily help; either the criminal nor the society. But I am going to, in the moment of rash writing and my impending walk home, suggest that these folks get some kind of mandatory hormone therapy alongside therapeutic counsellings.  Feed em some estrogen or something and make them think of the consequences of their greedy, disgusting, horrifying actions.

Then again, if sexual assault is all about power, what can anybody do, short of a full revision of society, or some kind of messed up curfew for men, or something. The problem with these problems are obvious. I just cant muster myself to think straight right now, and the later it gets the worse i think i am off.

With that, I draw no conclusions. This is an impossible topic for me right now. Just thought I’d bring it up.

Wish me luck on my walk home.

First, a tribute. or a footnote. a citation. some kind of props.

Hellooo WORLD!

This is a bit hasty of me. I just ran into feministing.com, and I was instantly inspired to try an experiment over here at the local level, at uottawa.

Feministing.com is a host of writers who take a look into the various issues of our time and offer a review from some kind of analysis of patriarchy and oppression. From advertising reviews, to ongoing federal politics, these authors have no shortage of analysis and I give them enormo props for their project. You could spend weeks just catching up on all the articles, ideas, and analysis.

What’s great about feministing, too, is that it is a plethora of references to patriarchy. The next time someone sez to me, “men and women are equal now” or some such myth, I am going to end that conversation by directing them to feministing.com.

And that’s the idea here.

As someone who, I guessss, if I had to be labelled, would be called some kind of anarchist, I do have to say I have a real respect for locality and community. And I also have to say, I’m big on the idea that discourses and conversations and actually talking about issues is part of the path to change.

So here we have it. Feministing @ uottawa.

The big idea is that this is a forum for folks at uottawa to talk about issues of patriarchy. On campus, in the classroom, off campus, in your circles, overheard patriarchy, little known facts about the lives of women, on and on and on.

The blog is both cathartic, if only catharsis meant that talking about it made everything better. But the blog is also excellent material for serial sexists; at best, for reading and thinking, at worst, for skimming and ignoring. But here it is no less.

I invite you to apply for a writing position. The blog will have to be written by many different womens of many different backgrounds and experiences.

And by women, I mean women-identified. So trans, gender benderers, and anyone who has to live with gender binaries is invited to apply. Such lives and experiences enrich a conversation on patriarchy.

There will be a rules section. There will be different topics sections. All things to do.

e-mail cfloo057@uottawa.ca (also to do: get an e-mail address!) if you are interested in all of this.